Showing posts with label first. Show all posts
Showing posts with label first. Show all posts

28 June 2009

I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

They say everything gets better with time. But I'm just hurting more and more. How will I make another 2 months without my Daughter?

She's refusing to speak to me on Skype, which I totally understand. She does exactly the same thing to her Dad when she's here. But it still hurts a little bit when she shouts 'no' down the phone and runs off.

Feel like crying but need to be strong, if I start I might not be able to stop. It's self pity and it won't help. She's happy and that's what's important!

The good news are that my ex's new girlfriend G wrote me a message on Facebook. It made me feel great. I'm glad she did. I mean, it's not like I want us to forge a friendship or anything. I just want us to get along, for everyone's sake.

My ex and I are (finally) on good terms (we had a tiny bit of a falling out two summers ago due to him not treating his girlfriend or me fairly) but that's all in the past. And I wouldn't want her and I to not get along... And what I really like about her is that she's really trying hard to get to know my Daughter. Really hard.

She's bought a Swedish phrase book and is learning Swedish so that they will be able to communicate (which is good since my little daughter is refusing to speak English at the moment... hahah stubborn little mite...)

I like the fact that my Daughter has got an extended family. What I don't like is the fact that her extended family is living so far away and that this takes my Daughter away from me.

(I know... I'm selfish!)

I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her

18 May 2009

It's All Your Fault

My favourite song and my favourite man, all-in-one....yum yum yum...

(I know, I'm a sad sad person.... But I love it!)

Enjoy... I know I do!! (And it's all his fault.)

26 April 2009

30 Things About Me You Didn't Know...

1.I've had nearly all colours of the rainbow in my hair. To name a few: blueberry, grey, black, fushia, green, lilac, red and orange.

2. When I was younger I wanted to be an actress, firefighter, ballerina, circusartist, singer and a "starchild" like Elizabeth in the TV show "V". And all at the same time... (But now I just want to be kissing Edward, nothing else - Twilighters out there, y'all know what I'm talking about!)

3. I went to Music school because there was "nothing else to do". (But happened to looooove it when I did.)

4. I'm terrified of spiders. Even the teeny tiny red ones that can't barely be seen.

5. I'm not scared of snakes though...

6. I always manage to stay up too late for my own good. Even though I try to get to bed on time. (Never happens though...)

7. I miss London. Alot.

8. I've always always wanted to go to Boston, MA. A childhood dream. Just because of the love of pickled cucumber that in Sweden is called "Bostongurka" (Boston cucumber).

9. My favourite English word is....thingie (not even a real word, but it comes in handy ALL the time, trust me.)

10. I still hate school....

11.With all the money in the world, I'd still go Primark aaaall the way. (Cheap and cheerful!)

12. I haven't seen the movie The Piano.

13. Even today I cry a bit when I hear my favourite song from childhood by Debbie Gibson. "...I get lost in your eyes...." *sniffle sniffle*

14.I bought my first mobile phone at the "tender" age of 23. (And I'm still finding it hard to get them to understand me!!)

15. I know the song "The wheels on the bus" off by heart, all due to my beautiful Daughter.

16. I'm dead scared of heights, but would climb anything to save the ones' I love!!

17. I've shot a Glock 9 once at a security training course, and LOVED IT!!!!!

18. As a little tomboy I made all my Barbie's into punk warriors with tattoos and piercings. We used to keep the Ken-dolls in an old birdcage used as a prison. Girrrl Power!!!!

19. My love for Mr Ol' Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra is eternal. My favourite song by him is "Summerwind". Still gives me chills when I listen to it.

20. I love poker. And I'm quite good at it.

21. I've lived in my flat for 3 years and still haven't managed to put up a proper shower curtain.

22. I'm a sucker for American TV shows. How I met your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, One Tree Hill (swoon), Greek (swooooon), Moonlight and Priviliged - you are my life!!!

23. I love to swim but hate to been seen in revealing bathing clothes, so it's a catch 22 thing.

24.I have this weird "fascination" for serial killers and I used to save any material I could (books, videos, newspaper clippings) to try to dive deep into their minds and to try to figure out what makes them tick. I still feel this urge to know, I guess that's why I've decided to join the police. (And why Criminal Minds and CSI is never missed on TV).

25. I love the smell of homemade wild strawberry squash and homemade cinnamon cake!! That's the smell of childhood and happy summers.

26. I've watched Twilight too many times for my own good.

27. And I've read the Twilight saga one time too many as well.... (I serioulsly think I need to get myself checked into Twilight Rehab...)

28. I secretly fancy Tom Selleck, and have done so since I was 10. (What?? Magnum's brilliant!)

29. When I was younger I used to sleep for 14 hours consistently, unless my Gran woke me up of course.... (If I didn't have my Daughter I'd still do it...)

30. My biggest fear when I was little was the two old men sitting on the balcony in The Muppet Show. My God, the grumpy dude on the right was freaking me out! I wouldn't watch it unless my Gran sat beside me. (What she never knew was that I was scared of the grumpy old man cos he looked like my Grandad...)

31 March 2009

Songs To Live & Die By

A friend told me that he thinks that one of the best ways to get to know someone is through their taste in music. So, since I haven't told anyone about me and what I'm about, I'll give you 20 songs that is always heard in my flat (or just my head). So, here goes...
A must-have song in any girls collection. A love song that rough as shit! Love it to bits, listen to it every single day, at least once or I would not make it through the day!!!
Sooooo cute I want to grab it and smooch it and eat it up! Seriously!! In one big bite. Mmmmm yummy!
I never thought I'd like MCR but this song has my name written all over it. It's my song. It's written for me. I'm sure of it. No no. I am. Really.
  • The Wannadies - Oh Yes (It's A Mess) & Friends
Swedish group. Love love love them. They're from the North just like me. Oh Yes (It's A Mess) is one of the best post-breakup songs ever written... & Friends...well, the lyrics says it all really... Jealousy at it's best!
This song is actually my ring signal on my mobile. I love it! Can't get enough of it. I barely answer my phone any more. (Sorry!!) Killer video as well!
As with The Wannadies it was impossible to choose just one song. I could've chosen all of her lyrical diamonds!
As I love Vampires (hint hint Edward Cullen) this song is a given.
Golden oldie with great lyrics. A breakup song filled with optimism (just listen to the melody...)
Have you heard that boy's voice?!?! Beautiful and haunting.... (& I'm not only talking about his voice...)
This girl can surely sing, and write songs. And touch my heart in more ways than one. I've always wished I could write like this. Beautiful. True. Nothing left...to say.
This song reminds me that boys do indeed cry too. (At least when no one else is around.) And FYI; it's Nick's ring signal in Nick & Norahs Infinite Playlist (Great film! Watchable!)
Knocks me off my feet every time. Her fragile voice that somehow seem able to carry triple its weight. The lyrics are outstanding and makes my eyes fill up every time... It will never seize to amaze me. It will never die. This song is forever...
"He left no time to regret, kept his dick wet. With his same, old safe bet. Me & my head high & my tears dry. Get on without my guy." - Says it all, really....
Whoaw! She amazes me every time she comes out with a new one. Loving the fact that she brings real life into her songs. I hurt with her and realise that I am a Rockstar too!!! Hurt, angry and raw!!!
A song that reminds me of my life in London and of a friend who's no longer with us. Grant, you twat! I miss you!!!
Another song that reminds me of London and of having fun. A "feel good" song in so many ways.
A very cute Swedish singer with a special sound and a voice like an angel. Love her love her!
Another oldie that I used to say I wanted to be sung at my funeral (I had this weird thing where I thought I'd die by the age of 27.) Well, 27 has come and gone. I'm still here & so is the song as my sweet number 20.

That's it folks!

11 March 2009

Lifetime Piling Up

The first day of a new life with all that comes along with it, isn't it just amazing? (I've always just wanted to say that hahaha). No, seriously. Just another day. Just another stupid day containing the same mistakes and the same outcomes as every day. Nothing has changed from yesterday (now, why did I think it would've?) but I still feel content with my life.

Broken teeth, flooded rooms...it doesn't really matter...

It's a bit unnerving, the wait for something better. It feels futile...Am I allowed to call it that, I don't know... So, I'm waiting for something better to come around. But I've always been told I shouldn't wait, I should go out and do. But every time I've tried that, something bad happens. It's my Karma. It's gone. I actually owe the Karma dude lots and lots of Karma, cos I'm thinking evil thoughts, hacking evil plans and doing evil things to and about people I don't like. I think I need to stop doing that. Like, right now. Hrm, I should shouldn't I? Not just sit and wait. Not just think and moan... It's like an epiphany. Just like that. Right now.


I'm just gonna go do some...stuff first.