Blast From The Past

As if my (really non existent) love life isn't complicated enough; someone from the past has turned up again.

(More inside of my head than outside of it....but anyway....)

It's so annoying. It angers me. I just wish to scream to leave me alone, but I can't. He's mesmerizing, and every time I hear from him I get this uncontrollable urge to tell him how I feel, or felt, or would feel...or something equally stupid...

Why do we let them get to us like this!?! Every time!?!

It's driving me insane. I've dreamt about him several nights in a row now. And I need to get him out. Out of my head. It's hurting me to think of him, and yet I can't stop. Is there anyone out there who can help me? Anyone??

Not even my (I knooooow, I'm getting a bit pre-occupied with imagination...) fantasies of a certain vampire stops me from thinking of him...(Hence all he posts of E.C. on here... apologies handed out to everyone reading this...)

I just wish it would. So I can sleep again....

Morning Glory

Another day, another story. Another lifetime ago it feels like. When I was young and beautiful and life never seemed to end... That was yesterday, this is today, and life, it seems is over!

Have you ever felt like that? Like there is no life to live any longer?

(I know, it sounds really melodramatic. But that's how I feel today... And I think I'm allowed to wallow in my own misery every once in a while. We all are!)

I miss my home, I miss my bed. I miss my TV (even though it doesn't even belong to me, but to an ex FWB (Friend With Benefit) that currently is in Oz living it up while peeing his territory in my flat by leaving his flat screen TV and his computer), I miss my own kitchen... But most of all, I miss it being quiet...

Espesially while hung over or tired...

So, today (when I am hung over and tired) I wish to be overly dramatic and sad and lonely... just because I can choose to be...

Things That Break...

Why make your heart strong, just to break it once again...

Izzie

Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you...

Remember When...

If I had dreams that I could remember for as long as I live,
I would ask You to remember them with me in the warmth of always...

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

Layer upon layer of thickness brush against my temples.
I shield myself away from your gaze.

A sore aching cry from your throat startles me.
A sense of well being at your pained heart.
A prophesy of my bones breaking yours.

This is not how I imagined Love.
My infatuation has grown stronger and stronger.
It is wrong. I know.

Layer after layer of caresses strikes against my lips.
I open my eyes.

The Wind That Blew My Heart Away

Could the agonizing hurt in my heart have anything to do with you?

-Yes, you know who you are.

You stole my heart and you left.

For certain periods in my life I feel safe from you. You won't hurt me.

But then you come back. Pierce my soul. Blacken my heart. Redden my eyes.

I attempt to free myself of you. To ease the pain.

In vain.

You are inside of me. A twisted corpse. A rotting ache.

And I promise. Tomorrow.

I will rid myself of you again.