The fight against breast cancer is going strong everywhere! Everywhere!!
-Good! Fight fight fight!!! Never give up.
There might be tears. There might be pain. But we will never give up the right to live full and happy lives together with our loved ones.
Showing posts with label Truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Truth. Show all posts
20 August 2009
28 June 2009
I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
They say everything gets better with time. But I'm just hurting more and more. How will I make another 2 months without my Daughter?She's refusing to speak to me on Skype, which I totally understand. She does exactly the same thing to her Dad when she's here. But it still hurts a little bit when she shouts 'no' down the phone and runs off.
Feel like crying but need to be strong, if I start I might not be able to stop. It's self pity and it won't help. She's happy and that's what's important!
The good news are that my ex's new girlfriend G wrote me a message on Facebook. It made me feel great. I'm glad she did. I mean, it's not like I want us to forge a friendship or anything. I just want us to get along, for everyone's sake.
My ex and I are (finally) on good terms (we had a tiny bit of a falling out two summers ago due to him not treating his girlfriend or me fairly) but that's all in the past. And I wouldn't want her and I to not get along... And what I really like about her is that she's really trying hard to get to know my Daughter. Really hard.
She's bought a Swedish phrase book and is learning Swedish so that they will be able to communicate (which is good since my little daughter is refusing to speak English at the moment... hahah stubborn little mite...)
I like the fact that my Daughter has got an extended family. What I don't like is the fact that her extended family is living so far away and that this takes my Daughter away from me.
(I know... I'm selfish!)
I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her
14 June 2009
Daughter
It's only one week and one day left until I'm flying my Daughter to Stockholm for her to go see her Dad. He's meeting us at the airport and is taking her to London where he lives. I'm trying not to think about it. I guess that's why I haven't mentioned it in my blog until now. It hurts too much and if I think about it I'll probably not take her to see him. She's scheduled to stay with him until the end of August.The end of August... that's a very long time... Too long...
I know I'm being selfish, but I love her way too much to bear the thought of not having her with me all the time... she's my life! I want to cry when I think about it, so I just don't. Even now as I'm writing this it feels like I'm detaching myself from the situation, like I'm not writing about myself, but someone else.
I'm going to bury myself in my work. I've been in contact with the manager of my last job at the airport café and she wants me to come work extra there too, so as soon as I get my rota for my main job I'll call her up to see if she's got anything for me. Anything to stop thinking about missing my baby.
Worst part is that her Birthday is going to be while she's in London. I never thought I'd miss even one of her Birthdays, and that gives me chills down my spine thinking about it.
So, I'm going to do what any normal parent would do and block it out until the day arrives and then cry and whine to my friends about it. Go to work, go home, get drunk silly and flirt with lots of boys. Then cry some more and wish that August would just come already!
2 June 2009
24 May 2009
Morning Glory
Another day, another story. Another lifetime ago it feels like. When I was young and beautiful and life never seemed to end... That was yesterday, this is today, and life, it seems is over!
Have you ever felt like that? Like there is no life to live any longer?
(I know, it sounds really melodramatic. But that's how I feel today... And I think I'm allowed to wallow in my own misery every once in a while. We all are!)
I miss my home, I miss my bed. I miss my TV (even though it doesn't even belong to me, but to an ex FWB (Friend With Benefit) that currently is in Oz living it up while peeing his territory in my flat by leaving his flat screen TV and his computer), I miss my own kitchen... But most of all, I miss it being quiet...
Espesially while hung over or tired...
So, today (when I am hung over and tired) I wish to be overly dramatic and sad and lonely... just because I can choose to be...
Have you ever felt like that? Like there is no life to live any longer?
(I know, it sounds really melodramatic. But that's how I feel today... And I think I'm allowed to wallow in my own misery every once in a while. We all are!)
I miss my home, I miss my bed. I miss my TV (even though it doesn't even belong to me, but to an ex FWB (Friend With Benefit) that currently is in Oz living it up while peeing his territory in my flat by leaving his flat screen TV and his computer), I miss my own kitchen... But most of all, I miss it being quiet...
Espesially while hung over or tired...
So, today (when I am hung over and tired) I wish to be overly dramatic and sad and lonely... just because I can choose to be...
18 May 2009
It's All Your Fault
My favourite song and my favourite man, all-in-one....yum yum yum...
(I know, I'm a sad sad person.... But I love it!)
Enjoy... I know I do!! (And it's all his fault.)
(I know, I'm a sad sad person.... But I love it!)
Enjoy... I know I do!! (And it's all his fault.)
11 May 2009
Mother Mother
Happy Mother's Day to all you Mums out there!
And not to forget Mother's-to-be and Gramps!!! Feel the love of your loved one's on a day like this.
I will, though we don't celebrate Mother's Day in Sweden today. My Daughter is born abroad where Mother's Day is on this day, so I'm getting two a year. Ha!
(Karma karma karma...)
Cherish today, for tomorrow might not come...
And not to forget Mother's-to-be and Gramps!!! Feel the love of your loved one's on a day like this.
I will, though we don't celebrate Mother's Day in Sweden today. My Daughter is born abroad where Mother's Day is on this day, so I'm getting two a year. Ha!
(Karma karma karma...)
Cherish today, for tomorrow might not come...
28 April 2009
The Show
Finally, tomorrow is the day of the DVD release and it should be in my mailbox.
Yes, I'm talking about Twilight. All added extras. All benefits. All Edward Cullen. I'm having some friends over (well, since I'm homeless it's actually some friends having me over) to drool a little bit over the perfect handsomeness of the swoonable vampire who will always stay a rolemodel for any BF's to come.
(A very hard spot to fill from now on I might add. Very. Hard. Indeed.)
So, hurry up Wednesday night in front of the telly. Please. I beg you. I need to escape reality, if just for a little while. I need the rescue bit right now (I have sooo watched Pride and Prejudice too many nights in a row, it's really getting to me, all the romance and drama... My God!) and I need to pretend I too have a knight in shining armour waiting for me somewhere out there.
(Preferably in the shape of a pale and mesmerising vampire!)
Aaaaaw....
Yes, I'm talking about Twilight. All added extras. All benefits. All Edward Cullen. I'm having some friends over (well, since I'm homeless it's actually some friends having me over) to drool a little bit over the perfect handsomeness of the swoonable vampire who will always stay a rolemodel for any BF's to come.
(A very hard spot to fill from now on I might add. Very. Hard. Indeed.)
So, hurry up Wednesday night in front of the telly. Please. I beg you. I need to escape reality, if just for a little while. I need the rescue bit right now (I have sooo watched Pride and Prejudice too many nights in a row, it's really getting to me, all the romance and drama... My God!) and I need to pretend I too have a knight in shining armour waiting for me somewhere out there.
(Preferably in the shape of a pale and mesmerising vampire!)
Aaaaaw....
26 April 2009
30 Things About Me You Didn't Know...
1.I've had nearly all colours of the rainbow in my hair. To name a few: blueberry, grey, black, fushia, green, lilac, red and orange.
2. When I was younger I wanted to be an actress, firefighter, ballerina, circusartist, singer and a "starchild" like Elizabeth in the TV show "V". And all at the same time... (But now I just want to be kissing Edward, nothing else - Twilighters out there, y'all know what I'm talking about!)
3. I went to Music school because there was "nothing else to do". (But happened to looooove it when I did.)
4. I'm terrified of spiders. Even the teeny tiny red ones that can't barely be seen.
5. I'm not scared of snakes though...
6. I always manage to stay up too late for my own good. Even though I try to get to bed on time. (Never happens though...)
7. I miss London. Alot.
8. I've always always wanted to go to Boston, MA. A childhood dream. Just because of the love of pickled cucumber that in Sweden is called "Bostongurka" (Boston cucumber).
9. My favourite English word is....thingie (not even a real word, but it comes in handy ALL the time, trust me.)
10. I still hate school....
11.With all the money in the world, I'd still go Primark aaaall the way. (Cheap and cheerful!)
12. I haven't seen the movie The Piano.
13. Even today I cry a bit when I hear my favourite song from childhood by Debbie Gibson. "...I get lost in your eyes...." *sniffle sniffle*
14.I bought my first mobile phone at the "tender" age of 23. (And I'm still finding it hard to get them to understand me!!)
15. I know the song "The wheels on the bus" off by heart, all due to my beautiful Daughter.
16. I'm dead scared of heights, but would climb anything to save the ones' I love!!
17. I've shot a Glock 9 once at a security training course, and LOVED IT!!!!!
18. As a little tomboy I made all my Barbie's into punk warriors with tattoos and piercings. We used to keep the Ken-dolls in an old birdcage used as a prison. Girrrl Power!!!!
19. My love for Mr Ol' Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra is eternal. My favourite song by him is "Summerwind". Still gives me chills when I listen to it.
20. I love poker. And I'm quite good at it.
21. I've lived in my flat for 3 years and still haven't managed to put up a proper shower curtain.
22. I'm a sucker for American TV shows. How I met your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, One Tree Hill (swoon), Greek (swooooon), Moonlight and Priviliged - you are my life!!!
23. I love to swim but hate to been seen in revealing bathing clothes, so it's a catch 22 thing.
24.I have this weird "fascination" for serial killers and I used to save any material I could (books, videos, newspaper clippings) to try to dive deep into their minds and to try to figure out what makes them tick. I still feel this urge to know, I guess that's why I've decided to join the police. (And why Criminal Minds and CSI is never missed on TV).
25. I love the smell of homemade wild strawberry squash and homemade cinnamon cake!! That's the smell of childhood and happy summers.
26. I've watched Twilight too many times for my own good.
27. And I've read the Twilight saga one time too many as well.... (I serioulsly think I need to get myself checked into Twilight Rehab...)
28. I secretly fancy Tom Selleck, and have done so since I was 10. (What?? Magnum's brilliant!)
29. When I was younger I used to sleep for 14 hours consistently, unless my Gran woke me up of course.... (If I didn't have my Daughter I'd still do it...)
30. My biggest fear when I was little was the two old men sitting on the balcony in The Muppet Show. My God, the grumpy dude on the right was freaking me out! I wouldn't watch it unless my Gran sat beside me. (What she never knew was that I was scared of the grumpy old man cos he looked like my Grandad...)
2. When I was younger I wanted to be an actress, firefighter, ballerina, circusartist, singer and a "starchild" like Elizabeth in the TV show "V". And all at the same time... (But now I just want to be kissing Edward, nothing else - Twilighters out there, y'all know what I'm talking about!)
3. I went to Music school because there was "nothing else to do". (But happened to looooove it when I did.)
4. I'm terrified of spiders. Even the teeny tiny red ones that can't barely be seen.
5. I'm not scared of snakes though...
6. I always manage to stay up too late for my own good. Even though I try to get to bed on time. (Never happens though...)
7. I miss London. Alot.
8. I've always always wanted to go to Boston, MA. A childhood dream. Just because of the love of pickled cucumber that in Sweden is called "Bostongurka" (Boston cucumber).
9. My favourite English word is....thingie (not even a real word, but it comes in handy ALL the time, trust me.)
10. I still hate school....
11.With all the money in the world, I'd still go Primark aaaall the way. (Cheap and cheerful!)
12. I haven't seen the movie The Piano.
13. Even today I cry a bit when I hear my favourite song from childhood by Debbie Gibson. "...I get lost in your eyes...." *sniffle sniffle*
14.I bought my first mobile phone at the "tender" age of 23. (And I'm still finding it hard to get them to understand me!!)
15. I know the song "The wheels on the bus" off by heart, all due to my beautiful Daughter.
16. I'm dead scared of heights, but would climb anything to save the ones' I love!!
17. I've shot a Glock 9 once at a security training course, and LOVED IT!!!!!
18. As a little tomboy I made all my Barbie's into punk warriors with tattoos and piercings. We used to keep the Ken-dolls in an old birdcage used as a prison. Girrrl Power!!!!
19. My love for Mr Ol' Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra is eternal. My favourite song by him is "Summerwind". Still gives me chills when I listen to it.
20. I love poker. And I'm quite good at it.
21. I've lived in my flat for 3 years and still haven't managed to put up a proper shower curtain.
22. I'm a sucker for American TV shows. How I met your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, One Tree Hill (swoon), Greek (swooooon), Moonlight and Priviliged - you are my life!!!
23. I love to swim but hate to been seen in revealing bathing clothes, so it's a catch 22 thing.
24.I have this weird "fascination" for serial killers and I used to save any material I could (books, videos, newspaper clippings) to try to dive deep into their minds and to try to figure out what makes them tick. I still feel this urge to know, I guess that's why I've decided to join the police. (And why Criminal Minds and CSI is never missed on TV).
25. I love the smell of homemade wild strawberry squash and homemade cinnamon cake!! That's the smell of childhood and happy summers.
26. I've watched Twilight too many times for my own good.
27. And I've read the Twilight saga one time too many as well.... (I serioulsly think I need to get myself checked into Twilight Rehab...)
28. I secretly fancy Tom Selleck, and have done so since I was 10. (What?? Magnum's brilliant!)
29. When I was younger I used to sleep for 14 hours consistently, unless my Gran woke me up of course.... (If I didn't have my Daughter I'd still do it...)
30. My biggest fear when I was little was the two old men sitting on the balcony in The Muppet Show. My God, the grumpy dude on the right was freaking me out! I wouldn't watch it unless my Gran sat beside me. (What she never knew was that I was scared of the grumpy old man cos he looked like my Grandad...)
5 April 2009
1 April 2009
31 March 2009
Songs To Live & Die By
A friend told me that he thinks that one of the best ways to get to know someone is through their taste in music. So, since I haven't told anyone about me and what I'm about, I'll give you 20 songs that is always heard in my flat (or just my head). So, here goes...
- Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
A must-have song in any girls collection. A love song that rough as shit! Love it to bits, listen to it every single day, at least once or I would not make it through the day!!!
- Jars Of Clay - Closer
- MCR- I Don't Love You
- The Wannadies - Oh Yes (It's A Mess) & Friends
Swedish group. Love love love them. They're from the North just like me. Oh Yes (It's A Mess) is one of the best post-breakup songs ever written... & Friends...well, the lyrics says it all really... Jealousy at it's best!
- The Killers - Mr Brightside
This song is actually my ring signal on my mobile. I love it! Can't get enough of it. I barely answer my phone any more. (Sorry!!) Killer video as well!
- Kate Nash - Nicest Thing & We Get On
As with The Wannadies it was impossible to choose just one song. I could've chosen all of her lyrical diamonds!
- Arctic Monkeys - Perhaps Vampires Is A Bit Strong But...
- The Beatles - We Can Work It Out
Golden oldie with great lyrics. A breakup song filled with optimism (just listen to the melody...)
- Robert Pattinson - Let Me Sign
Have you heard that boy's voice?!?! Beautiful and haunting.... (& I'm not only talking about his voice...)
- Sia - Soon We'll Be Found
This girl can surely sing, and write songs. And touch my heart in more ways than one. I've always wished I could write like this. Beautiful. True. Nothing left...to say.
- The Cure - Boys Don't Cry
This song reminds me that boys do indeed cry too. (At least when no one else is around.) And FYI; it's Nick's ring signal in Nick & Norahs Infinite Playlist (Great film! Watchable!)
- Kate Bush - This Woman's Work
Knocks me off my feet every time. Her fragile voice that somehow seem able to carry triple its weight. The lyrics are outstanding and makes my eyes fill up every time... It will never seize to amaze me. It will never die. This song is forever...
- Amy Winehouse - Back To Black
"He left no time to regret, kept his dick wet. With his same, old safe bet. Me & my head high & my tears dry. Get on without my guy." - Says it all, really....
- Pink - So What
Whoaw! She amazes me every time she comes out with a new one. Loving the fact that she brings real life into her songs. I hurt with her and realise that I am a Rockstar too!!! Hurt, angry and raw!!!
- The Smiths - Girlfriend In A Coma
A song that reminds me of my life in London and of a friend who's no longer with us. Grant, you twat! I miss you!!!
- Panic! At The Disco - London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines
Another song that reminds me of London and of having fun. A "feel good" song in so many ways.
- Lykke Li - I'm Good I'm Gone
A very cute Swedish singer with a special sound and a voice like an angel. Love her love her!
- Radiohead - Creep
Another oldie that I used to say I wanted to be sung at my funeral (I had this weird thing where I thought I'd die by the age of 27.) Well, 27 has come and gone. I'm still here & so is the song as my sweet number 20.
That's it folks!
That's it folks!
29 March 2009
Let Me Sign
Something a friend said today reminded me of how fragile life is. How we should take care of it and live it and not just go through it because we have to. It's so easy to forget that our lives are short and that everything can change in just a flash.
It's tragic really, that we don't take care of ourselves and of our loved ones better. How selfish we are. Cos we truly are. Think about it for a second. How often don't we shout at each other? Put each other down? Say things and do things, evil things, just cos we are selfish and hurt and sad.
How often do I tell my Daughter off for the silliest of things? How often do I see the hurt in her eyes and turn away cos I know that I'm the one who caused that hurt? How often do I wish I could take things back? Knowing it's too late....
Rash decisions. Rash thoughts put into words. I wish I would have known my friends' words then. I wish I would have known them sooner. I wish I would have known that without life in your heart you have no life at all.
I wish I would have thought about love and how important love really is. To love unconditionally, to show love when it's difficult, to show love when you really just want to shout and curse and let go.
I wish I would have thought about that yesterday as well....
It's tragic really, that we don't take care of ourselves and of our loved ones better. How selfish we are. Cos we truly are. Think about it for a second. How often don't we shout at each other? Put each other down? Say things and do things, evil things, just cos we are selfish and hurt and sad.
How often do I tell my Daughter off for the silliest of things? How often do I see the hurt in her eyes and turn away cos I know that I'm the one who caused that hurt? How often do I wish I could take things back? Knowing it's too late....
Rash decisions. Rash thoughts put into words. I wish I would have known my friends' words then. I wish I would have known them sooner. I wish I would have known that without life in your heart you have no life at all.
I wish I would have thought about love and how important love really is. To love unconditionally, to show love when it's difficult, to show love when you really just want to shout and curse and let go.
I wish I would have thought about that yesterday as well....
28 March 2009
Remember When...
If I had dreams that I could remember for as long as I live,
I would ask You to remember them with me in the warmth of always...
I would ask You to remember them with me in the warmth of always...
15 March 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
