Hide & Seek

Not only is my sister still fighting breast cancer... Not only do I still think about my friend C's Mum who lost her battle against this evil spawn of Satan last year...

One of my best friends is now starting her own fight against breast cancer...

Cancer is devious. Cancer is horrid and petrifying and mortal.

My Mum died of cancer when I was only a baby. My cousin nearly lost her life to it after ending up in a coma. I know friends who have lost loved ones to it.

I'm sitting here, in my dark room thinking of my friend E. Her little daughter, less than two years old who might, or might not, grow up with her Mum. (I get an acidic taste in my mouth just thinking the words.) It hurts. There is no other option than life for my friend. There isn't. It would hurt too much losing her, so I won't think the thought. The words will not reach my tongue.

She will live! She is life.

No Introductions Needed.

Click for:
Best kiss ever...............................

Morning Glory

Another day, another story. Another lifetime ago it feels like. When I was young and beautiful and life never seemed to end... That was yesterday, this is today, and life, it seems is over!

Have you ever felt like that? Like there is no life to live any longer?

(I know, it sounds really melodramatic. But that's how I feel today... And I think I'm allowed to wallow in my own misery every once in a while. We all are!)

I miss my home, I miss my bed. I miss my TV (even though it doesn't even belong to me, but to an ex FWB (Friend With Benefit) that currently is in Oz living it up while peeing his territory in my flat by leaving his flat screen TV and his computer), I miss my own kitchen... But most of all, I miss it being quiet...

Espesially while hung over or tired...

So, today (when I am hung over and tired) I wish to be overly dramatic and sad and lonely... just because I can choose to be...

Human

Being homeless suck monkey's bum...

Seriously, it does!

Ah, well. There are worse things, but wanted to let you know, just in case you were wondering...

Let Me Sign

Something a friend said today reminded me of how fragile life is. How we should take care of it and live it and not just go through it because we have to. It's so easy to forget that our lives are short and that everything can change in just a flash.

It's tragic really, that we don't take care of ourselves and of our loved ones better. How selfish we are. Cos we truly are. Think about it for a second. How often don't we shout at each other? Put each other down? Say things and do things, evil things, just cos we are selfish and hurt and sad.

How often do I tell my Daughter off for the silliest of things? How often do I see the hurt in her eyes and turn away cos I know that I'm the one who caused that hurt? How often do I wish I could take things back? Knowing it's too late....

Rash decisions. Rash thoughts put into words. I wish I would have known my friends' words then. I wish I would have known them sooner. I wish I would have known that without life in your heart you have no life at all.

I wish I would have thought about love and how important love really is. To love unconditionally, to show love when it's difficult, to show love when you really just want to shout and curse and let go.

I wish I would have thought about that yesterday as well....

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

Layer upon layer of thickness brush against my temples.
I shield myself away from your gaze.

A sore aching cry from your throat startles me.
A sense of well being at your pained heart.
A prophesy of my bones breaking yours.

This is not how I imagined Love.
My infatuation has grown stronger and stronger.
It is wrong. I know.

Layer after layer of caresses strikes against my lips.
I open my eyes.

The Wind That Blew My Heart Away

Could the agonizing hurt in my heart have anything to do with you?

-Yes, you know who you are.

You stole my heart and you left.

For certain periods in my life I feel safe from you. You won't hurt me.

But then you come back. Pierce my soul. Blacken my heart. Redden my eyes.

I attempt to free myself of you. To ease the pain.

In vain.

You are inside of me. A twisted corpse. A rotting ache.

And I promise. Tomorrow.

I will rid myself of you again.