The fight against breast cancer is going strong everywhere! Everywhere!!
-Good! Fight fight fight!!! Never give up.
There might be tears. There might be pain. But we will never give up the right to live full and happy lives together with our loved ones.
Showing posts with label Dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dream. Show all posts
20 August 2009
12 June 2009
Dream
I had this weird dream the other night. And I truly mean...weird. It's so weird I don't even think I should write about it. But I kinda need to get it off my chest.
Hmmm.
I started a new job a few weeks ago. It's with an electrical shop so don't really know much. Anyhoo. I'm working at the till; training to manage the daily reports, banking, that sort of stuff. Since the till is from the turn of the century, not the twentyfirst century, I sort of suck at it (which is really bad for my self esteem since I'm usually quite a great till user....). The shop is still using the DOS-system, which is from the 80's...
So. My manager is going on holiday and the second in command is the one teaching me how to close up at night. The second in command is SCARY. Really scary.
Now. I don't find him attractive. Not at all. But I'm finding him very ,very intimidating. So, guess my surprise when I woke up the other morning having had a...well, kind of wet dream about him (not REALLY wet, just enough to make me freak out). Serioulsy. Freaking. Out.
I got to work and couldn't look him in the eye properly. And I'm not joking when I tell you that that's when he smiled at me for the first time since I started working there. And now he's being such a luvvie towards me it's freaking me out even more.
I need to go to some sort of dream therapy thing, cos if I don't let this one go I won't be able to work with him any more.... I'm still not attracted to him, but every time he stands close to me (too close for my liking) my hands turn clammy and my heart beats faster.... Not good!
Am I starting to get desperate for a boyfriend or something?? I don't even want one... Hmmm...
Weird and freaky and serioulsy making me doubt myself.
Hmmm.
I started a new job a few weeks ago. It's with an electrical shop so don't really know much. Anyhoo. I'm working at the till; training to manage the daily reports, banking, that sort of stuff. Since the till is from the turn of the century, not the twentyfirst century, I sort of suck at it (which is really bad for my self esteem since I'm usually quite a great till user....). The shop is still using the DOS-system, which is from the 80's...
So. My manager is going on holiday and the second in command is the one teaching me how to close up at night. The second in command is SCARY. Really scary.
Now. I don't find him attractive. Not at all. But I'm finding him very ,very intimidating. So, guess my surprise when I woke up the other morning having had a...well, kind of wet dream about him (not REALLY wet, just enough to make me freak out). Serioulsy. Freaking. Out.
I got to work and couldn't look him in the eye properly. And I'm not joking when I tell you that that's when he smiled at me for the first time since I started working there. And now he's being such a luvvie towards me it's freaking me out even more.
I need to go to some sort of dream therapy thing, cos if I don't let this one go I won't be able to work with him any more.... I'm still not attracted to him, but every time he stands close to me (too close for my liking) my hands turn clammy and my heart beats faster.... Not good!
Am I starting to get desperate for a boyfriend or something?? I don't even want one... Hmmm...
Weird and freaky and serioulsy making me doubt myself.
3 June 2009
Blast From The Past
As if my (really non existent) love life isn't complicated enough; someone from the past has turned up again.
(More inside of my head than outside of it....but anyway....)
It's so annoying. It angers me. I just wish to scream to leave me alone, but I can't. He's mesmerizing, and every time I hear from him I get this uncontrollable urge to tell him how I feel, or felt, or would feel...or something equally stupid...
Why do we let them get to us like this!?! Every time!?!
It's driving me insane. I've dreamt about him several nights in a row now. And I need to get him out. Out of my head. It's hurting me to think of him, and yet I can't stop. Is there anyone out there who can help me? Anyone??
Not even my (I knooooow, I'm getting a bit pre-occupied with imagination...) fantasies of a certain vampire stops me from thinking of him...(Hence all he posts of E.C. on here... apologies handed out to everyone reading this...)
I just wish it would. So I can sleep again....
(More inside of my head than outside of it....but anyway....)
It's so annoying. It angers me. I just wish to scream to leave me alone, but I can't. He's mesmerizing, and every time I hear from him I get this uncontrollable urge to tell him how I feel, or felt, or would feel...or something equally stupid...
Why do we let them get to us like this!?! Every time!?!
It's driving me insane. I've dreamt about him several nights in a row now. And I need to get him out. Out of my head. It's hurting me to think of him, and yet I can't stop. Is there anyone out there who can help me? Anyone??
Not even my (I knooooow, I'm getting a bit pre-occupied with imagination...) fantasies of a certain vampire stops me from thinking of him...(Hence all he posts of E.C. on here... apologies handed out to everyone reading this...)
I just wish it would. So I can sleep again....
2 June 2009
31 May 2009
27 May 2009
Stuck In The Middle With You
Do you remember your first love? That love that took your breath away. The love that ran warm chills down your spine just at the thought of him/her. The one that left you broken hearted and doomed to never trust, ever again.
Call me a sick and disturbed romantic, but haven't you ever wished that they would come chasing after you one day?
My first love was Rich. He was English and a few years older than me. I was 22 and utterly and irreversibly in love with him. I never thought our love would end.
As in many other love stories there is, of course a glitch. We were involved in this weird love triangle, where his friend was in love with me too. And Rich didn't want to hurt his friend. We were trying to let him get over his crush on me.
We'd meet after dark, planning our escape to warm countries. With our heads close together, we'd talk for hours on end how we would run away from it all. We even had our own song (what a cliché, right?). Stuck in the middle with you, spinning in my head, night after night with him beside me. The love of my life. Rich. The exiting and funny and romantic English boy who gave me his heart, and took it back in one excruciating beat...
He told me he loved me in a dark, seedy club; loud music ringing in my ears. And I laughed it off because I was scared. I couldn't believe him, I wouldn't believe him... But I do believe him now. We were in love, both of us, with each other. But love consumed us, not just the love for each other, but the love of a friend. The love we both felt for him.
His friend was adorable. And Rich had a girlfriend. But when Rich broke it off with his girlfriend (or rather, she broke it off with him. He'd known for a while that she was seeing someone else...) I'd stopped waiting. I thought he didn't really want me. So when his friend finally plucked up the courage to ask me out, I said yes.
I did love his friend for a while, but I was never truly in love with him. Not like Rich. Who broke my heart. Whose heart I broke.
One night the three of us went to a party, after Rich and I had not been speaking for months on end. My boyfriend, Rich's friend, wanted to go home early, and told me to stay, that Rich could take me home (how trusting his friend was of us). Rich asked me if I wanted to stay with him. I wanted to. Words will never be able to express how badly I wanted to stay with him. But, I couldn't. I wouldn't. I said no. I left the love of my life and left with someone I cared for, but not truly loved. But I couldn't be unfaithful. Because I knew what would have happened had I stayed. My blood was boiling for Rich. For his touch. His kiss. For him.
That was the last time we spoke...
I bumped into Rich two summers ago, when I visited London. He is gorgeous. Beautiful. He still takes my breath away. He still owns my heart. I just wish that he would chase after me. That he would understand that we were meant for each other.
I wish I could still be stuck in that crowded room with him, when he said he loved me. I wish I would have answered him. I wish he'd understood that I was scared. And that if he would tell me that today, I'd answer: I love you too....
18 May 2009
It's All Your Fault
My favourite song and my favourite man, all-in-one....yum yum yum...
(I know, I'm a sad sad person.... But I love it!)
Enjoy... I know I do!! (And it's all his fault.)
(I know, I'm a sad sad person.... But I love it!)
Enjoy... I know I do!! (And it's all his fault.)
28 April 2009
The Show
Finally, tomorrow is the day of the DVD release and it should be in my mailbox.
Yes, I'm talking about Twilight. All added extras. All benefits. All Edward Cullen. I'm having some friends over (well, since I'm homeless it's actually some friends having me over) to drool a little bit over the perfect handsomeness of the swoonable vampire who will always stay a rolemodel for any BF's to come.
(A very hard spot to fill from now on I might add. Very. Hard. Indeed.)
So, hurry up Wednesday night in front of the telly. Please. I beg you. I need to escape reality, if just for a little while. I need the rescue bit right now (I have sooo watched Pride and Prejudice too many nights in a row, it's really getting to me, all the romance and drama... My God!) and I need to pretend I too have a knight in shining armour waiting for me somewhere out there.
(Preferably in the shape of a pale and mesmerising vampire!)
Aaaaaw....
Yes, I'm talking about Twilight. All added extras. All benefits. All Edward Cullen. I'm having some friends over (well, since I'm homeless it's actually some friends having me over) to drool a little bit over the perfect handsomeness of the swoonable vampire who will always stay a rolemodel for any BF's to come.
(A very hard spot to fill from now on I might add. Very. Hard. Indeed.)
So, hurry up Wednesday night in front of the telly. Please. I beg you. I need to escape reality, if just for a little while. I need the rescue bit right now (I have sooo watched Pride and Prejudice too many nights in a row, it's really getting to me, all the romance and drama... My God!) and I need to pretend I too have a knight in shining armour waiting for me somewhere out there.
(Preferably in the shape of a pale and mesmerising vampire!)
Aaaaaw....
26 April 2009
30 Things About Me You Didn't Know...
1.I've had nearly all colours of the rainbow in my hair. To name a few: blueberry, grey, black, fushia, green, lilac, red and orange.
2. When I was younger I wanted to be an actress, firefighter, ballerina, circusartist, singer and a "starchild" like Elizabeth in the TV show "V". And all at the same time... (But now I just want to be kissing Edward, nothing else - Twilighters out there, y'all know what I'm talking about!)
3. I went to Music school because there was "nothing else to do". (But happened to looooove it when I did.)
4. I'm terrified of spiders. Even the teeny tiny red ones that can't barely be seen.
5. I'm not scared of snakes though...
6. I always manage to stay up too late for my own good. Even though I try to get to bed on time. (Never happens though...)
7. I miss London. Alot.
8. I've always always wanted to go to Boston, MA. A childhood dream. Just because of the love of pickled cucumber that in Sweden is called "Bostongurka" (Boston cucumber).
9. My favourite English word is....thingie (not even a real word, but it comes in handy ALL the time, trust me.)
10. I still hate school....
11.With all the money in the world, I'd still go Primark aaaall the way. (Cheap and cheerful!)
12. I haven't seen the movie The Piano.
13. Even today I cry a bit when I hear my favourite song from childhood by Debbie Gibson. "...I get lost in your eyes...." *sniffle sniffle*
14.I bought my first mobile phone at the "tender" age of 23. (And I'm still finding it hard to get them to understand me!!)
15. I know the song "The wheels on the bus" off by heart, all due to my beautiful Daughter.
16. I'm dead scared of heights, but would climb anything to save the ones' I love!!
17. I've shot a Glock 9 once at a security training course, and LOVED IT!!!!!
18. As a little tomboy I made all my Barbie's into punk warriors with tattoos and piercings. We used to keep the Ken-dolls in an old birdcage used as a prison. Girrrl Power!!!!
19. My love for Mr Ol' Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra is eternal. My favourite song by him is "Summerwind". Still gives me chills when I listen to it.
20. I love poker. And I'm quite good at it.
21. I've lived in my flat for 3 years and still haven't managed to put up a proper shower curtain.
22. I'm a sucker for American TV shows. How I met your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, One Tree Hill (swoon), Greek (swooooon), Moonlight and Priviliged - you are my life!!!
23. I love to swim but hate to been seen in revealing bathing clothes, so it's a catch 22 thing.
24.I have this weird "fascination" for serial killers and I used to save any material I could (books, videos, newspaper clippings) to try to dive deep into their minds and to try to figure out what makes them tick. I still feel this urge to know, I guess that's why I've decided to join the police. (And why Criminal Minds and CSI is never missed on TV).
25. I love the smell of homemade wild strawberry squash and homemade cinnamon cake!! That's the smell of childhood and happy summers.
26. I've watched Twilight too many times for my own good.
27. And I've read the Twilight saga one time too many as well.... (I serioulsly think I need to get myself checked into Twilight Rehab...)
28. I secretly fancy Tom Selleck, and have done so since I was 10. (What?? Magnum's brilliant!)
29. When I was younger I used to sleep for 14 hours consistently, unless my Gran woke me up of course.... (If I didn't have my Daughter I'd still do it...)
30. My biggest fear when I was little was the two old men sitting on the balcony in The Muppet Show. My God, the grumpy dude on the right was freaking me out! I wouldn't watch it unless my Gran sat beside me. (What she never knew was that I was scared of the grumpy old man cos he looked like my Grandad...)
2. When I was younger I wanted to be an actress, firefighter, ballerina, circusartist, singer and a "starchild" like Elizabeth in the TV show "V". And all at the same time... (But now I just want to be kissing Edward, nothing else - Twilighters out there, y'all know what I'm talking about!)
3. I went to Music school because there was "nothing else to do". (But happened to looooove it when I did.)
4. I'm terrified of spiders. Even the teeny tiny red ones that can't barely be seen.
5. I'm not scared of snakes though...
6. I always manage to stay up too late for my own good. Even though I try to get to bed on time. (Never happens though...)
7. I miss London. Alot.
8. I've always always wanted to go to Boston, MA. A childhood dream. Just because of the love of pickled cucumber that in Sweden is called "Bostongurka" (Boston cucumber).
9. My favourite English word is....thingie (not even a real word, but it comes in handy ALL the time, trust me.)
10. I still hate school....
11.With all the money in the world, I'd still go Primark aaaall the way. (Cheap and cheerful!)
12. I haven't seen the movie The Piano.
13. Even today I cry a bit when I hear my favourite song from childhood by Debbie Gibson. "...I get lost in your eyes...." *sniffle sniffle*
14.I bought my first mobile phone at the "tender" age of 23. (And I'm still finding it hard to get them to understand me!!)
15. I know the song "The wheels on the bus" off by heart, all due to my beautiful Daughter.
16. I'm dead scared of heights, but would climb anything to save the ones' I love!!
17. I've shot a Glock 9 once at a security training course, and LOVED IT!!!!!
18. As a little tomboy I made all my Barbie's into punk warriors with tattoos and piercings. We used to keep the Ken-dolls in an old birdcage used as a prison. Girrrl Power!!!!
19. My love for Mr Ol' Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra is eternal. My favourite song by him is "Summerwind". Still gives me chills when I listen to it.
20. I love poker. And I'm quite good at it.
21. I've lived in my flat for 3 years and still haven't managed to put up a proper shower curtain.
22. I'm a sucker for American TV shows. How I met your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, One Tree Hill (swoon), Greek (swooooon), Moonlight and Priviliged - you are my life!!!
23. I love to swim but hate to been seen in revealing bathing clothes, so it's a catch 22 thing.
24.I have this weird "fascination" for serial killers and I used to save any material I could (books, videos, newspaper clippings) to try to dive deep into their minds and to try to figure out what makes them tick. I still feel this urge to know, I guess that's why I've decided to join the police. (And why Criminal Minds and CSI is never missed on TV).
25. I love the smell of homemade wild strawberry squash and homemade cinnamon cake!! That's the smell of childhood and happy summers.
26. I've watched Twilight too many times for my own good.
27. And I've read the Twilight saga one time too many as well.... (I serioulsly think I need to get myself checked into Twilight Rehab...)
28. I secretly fancy Tom Selleck, and have done so since I was 10. (What?? Magnum's brilliant!)
29. When I was younger I used to sleep for 14 hours consistently, unless my Gran woke me up of course.... (If I didn't have my Daughter I'd still do it...)
30. My biggest fear when I was little was the two old men sitting on the balcony in The Muppet Show. My God, the grumpy dude on the right was freaking me out! I wouldn't watch it unless my Gran sat beside me. (What she never knew was that I was scared of the grumpy old man cos he looked like my Grandad...)
23 April 2009
Dream Sailor Dream
I had my strange dream again. The one where I'm flying in the dark and still night. Everything is so quiet and serene. But this time I felt an uneasy chill down my spine when I noticed the owl. I felt like his stare was menacing as he closed in on me...
And then, the scenery changed. Suddenly I was in a car in my hometown with Cappie next to me. We were laughting at something he'd said. I wasn't really paying attention to the road (since he's sooooo gorgeous, of course...) and I crashed straight into the side of another car. Not good!
I remember screaming, not because I was scared, or that we were hurt, but because of the fact that I now would have another insurance nightmare to have to think about.
When I woke up I was actually thinking that it had happened and that I owed someone loads of money for a new car. Until I realised that I'd had Cappie by my side the whole time. I mean, wishful thinking or not...I'd rather not have been in a car accident at all, than having been in one together with someone (as perfect) as Cappie!
Or...would I? Hmm, this will take some pondering over.
And then, the scenery changed. Suddenly I was in a car in my hometown with Cappie next to me. We were laughting at something he'd said. I wasn't really paying attention to the road (since he's sooooo gorgeous, of course...) and I crashed straight into the side of another car. Not good!
I remember screaming, not because I was scared, or that we were hurt, but because of the fact that I now would have another insurance nightmare to have to think about.
When I woke up I was actually thinking that it had happened and that I owed someone loads of money for a new car. Until I realised that I'd had Cappie by my side the whole time. I mean, wishful thinking or not...I'd rather not have been in a car accident at all, than having been in one together with someone (as perfect) as Cappie!
Or...would I? Hmm, this will take some pondering over.
8 April 2009
An Attempt To Tip The Scales
Happy Easter all!
Have you checked that your Easter bunnies and Easter chickens are intact? Started painting eggs and decorating every inch of your home with brightly coloured feathers? - I haven't. I'm a total bitch when it comes to holidays, whether it's Christmas, Easter och freekin' Halloween. I'm just glad that one of my dearest friends saves my Daughter from my anti-Easter-antics every year! They go out Easter egg hunting, getting dressed up as witches, while I sit at home sulking at the fact that it's Easter...again.
It's getting closer now. I have to start packing our shit up. Moving sucks! Even tough we're just moving all our things into an adjoining room in our flat, it still sucks. And the most sucky part is that we have nowhere to live for the next two months, all because of a surprise water fountain in our kitchen. Not fair! I thought I never had to move around like a nomad again (the London years), unless some sweet prince came to save us. *hint hint*
Speaking of... this one date, that hasn't been much of a date, since we've never actually been on a date yet, has finally asked me out. Or rather; he's asked me to come stay at his house for the weekend. (Ohmigod!) He's the guy who's the father of two little girls, so he should be used to treating girls as princesses. *sigh* Finally!
I think he was thinking of coming to see me last weekend to watch a film, but I was so busy with school I couldn't make the time. We live in different towns, so it's a bit of a trek, but not too bad. We'll make a date some day, a real one, not just over the phone or IM...
I'm biding my time. Waiting for some Karma to come my way (I know, to wait doesn't get you anywhere, but I've been so busy lately with everything, that I feel I earn a break in looking for happiness. So, I'm just gonna sit down and take it easy and wait for a change... and re-read New Moon...)
2 April 2009
Greek
Finally. It's been the longest wait. Greek is back. Cappie must be the essence of a guy we'd all love to be around. (Probably thinking we can't stand him though in reality we're deadly attracted to him. (Hmmm. Sounds oddly familiar.) Silly Casey! What ever is she thinking...)
I've missed you Cyprus-Rhodes. Welcome back! Please don't leave us waiting this long again. It's been hell without you...
I've missed you Cyprus-Rhodes. Welcome back! Please don't leave us waiting this long again. It's been hell without you...
1 April 2009
28 March 2009
Remember When...
If I had dreams that I could remember for as long as I live,
I would ask You to remember them with me in the warmth of always...
I would ask You to remember them with me in the warmth of always...
26 March 2009
20 March 2009
I Shall Believe
Now, my dear (Swedish) friends,it's only one month and nine days left until the release of the Twilight DVD (the US has an earlier release). I cannot wait. CAN. NOT. WAIT. Deleted and extended scenes with the lovely Edward Cullen. Ohmigod! Yum is an understatement.
I have, of course, pre-ordered the DVD! And yes, I am that crazy.
I will never give up the dream of having my own Edward tucked up in bed with me. Sadly, he (probably) doesn't exist, so I have to make due with the DVD and the fantasy in said bed. Ah well. A 30-something has got to dream right?
To wish a vampire in bed with you...?
Sane? -No.
Smart? -Er, no.
Sexy? -Hell, yes.
I have, of course, pre-ordered the DVD! And yes, I am that crazy.
I will never give up the dream of having my own Edward tucked up in bed with me. Sadly, he (probably) doesn't exist, so I have to make due with the DVD and the fantasy in said bed. Ah well. A 30-something has got to dream right?
To wish a vampire in bed with you...?
Sane? -No.
Smart? -Er, no.
Sexy? -Hell, yes.
19 March 2009
With Arms Outstretched
I've had this one dream several nights in a row. I'm flying in the woods, everything is covered in a dark blue, almost magic light. All the trees and ferns look black but not menacing. I can feel them caressing my face and my arms as I glide by.
All of a sudden I can see a darker shadow in front of me. An owl with a wing span of several metres with huge round yellow eyes staring at me. Just as it's nearly crashing into me it lifts it's wings and flies above me and away, only a short "whooshing" sound as it disappears. My heart is racing, but weirdly enough I'm not scared, just amazed at how silent and quick it was.
This dream continues night after night. Nothing exiting happens, but it's just the serenity of the dream that fascinates me. It calms me down. Even now as I try to focus on it, my inner being is being soothed by the tranquility of the darkened forest, the dark indigo night and the gentle breeze from flying. All in all, a good nights' dream...
All of a sudden I can see a darker shadow in front of me. An owl with a wing span of several metres with huge round yellow eyes staring at me. Just as it's nearly crashing into me it lifts it's wings and flies above me and away, only a short "whooshing" sound as it disappears. My heart is racing, but weirdly enough I'm not scared, just amazed at how silent and quick it was.
This dream continues night after night. Nothing exiting happens, but it's just the serenity of the dream that fascinates me. It calms me down. Even now as I try to focus on it, my inner being is being soothed by the tranquility of the darkened forest, the dark indigo night and the gentle breeze from flying. All in all, a good nights' dream...
15 March 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
